4038 Expectations

It’s 3AM… Why I’m waking up AGAIN in this time? Am I a fucking vampire? Should I make a coffee now, or what? Just open your curtains Ivana, at least don’t choke in your own smoke of a rolled cigarette you just made. And, btw, smoking is not good.

I’m bored of reading all of those NYE resolutions and best wishes on my news feed. Come on, guys, you can do better! Don’t you think? We all need love, peace, money, health and happiness, and we all know that 2018 was a bullshit year, even though we made the same fucking wishes last year! To all of us! Yes, so what?! Every year is like that! We are stuck! It’s 2019 and I didn’t get up from my bed on the first day! That’s how much I’m excited about it.

There’s no difference about the start of any year! I am in some empty club, making money I signed contract for few months back, bored as fuck, playing music I would not rather listen to because people love it, having a fake smile on my face while I’m hugging a stranger saying those 3 words “Happy New Year”, posting “look at me” pictures and videos of a party and fireworks that looks good just on a social media and then think about my family and friends who are not there because you Ivana made a choice to live in a different country!

Long drive home, the streets are closed and you’re on the other side of town, I’m lighting 23rd cigarette and throwing the ash through the window, while someone is torturing my ears on the radio with the songs they can play only few hours after midnight because no one is listening to them except me in that time. The same shit every year. Anybody seen my baby?

Anybody seen my baby?

There’s a small chance that I will make some change during this year. I just hope that I will not make that much mistakes like I did last year. That’s why I was afraid to go out from the house at all today. If you ask me, I’m afraid to go out even tomorrow but I have work to do. My brother says- Work heals depression. I worked a loooooot last few years, and I’m making my plans to work more, but depression is still there. Bro, can you now make up on something better?

And all of you who thinks that I’m just wining about it- take a look in the mirror. You know how messed up you are! You know that you should drink less, remove toxic people from your life, lose few KGs, save some money, work out 3 times a week.. You know all of that and you know you are not doing anything about it! Nothing has changed with the final countdown! You know that you’re the same fucking person 10 seconds ago, just the number is different. 2019.. Wat da fak.. It could be 4038 if we counted years in 6 months instead. Make a change in a second not in years.. Or if you don’t wanna do it, don’t do it, just don’t announce anything. I’m not interested in that, he’s not interested in that, she’s not interested in that even more.. we are all fed up of our own stupid expectations, not yours! Expectations are not giving hope- they make you feel worse, so don’t expect anything from 2019.

It’s 4038.


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