My confesión

Gotan Project

I know I’m tough.. 

I’m hard to digest. 

I can have these aggressive moments where I can diminish with just my eyes someone’s self-confidence. I can be super hard when something isn’t going how I imagined. I don’t give a chance to someone else’s opinion, I just have a flash thought in my head that the idea is stupid. 

And I can be wrong.. 

I cam be very wrong… 

I am having a hard time accepting that I can be wrong but the proof is there!..  it’s waiting for me. Just behind the corner. And I’m so disappointed in my judgment. And I don’t trust myself. I made so many mistakes. I lived X lives….Small-town wunderkind, gothic bullied teen who plays piano in most beautiful theaters, alcohol addict that loves rock music and cowboy boots, promiscuous keyboard player, a junior journalist in the city TV station, mainstream pop wannabe in the underground music scene that smells like piss… Posh lady with a small salary as a music teacher that is exactly a servant to the ones that have enough money, DJ at fashion events, funny stage host that made a community of like-minded people, corporate events manager… but always a poet…

And alone…

I wanted always to share all that… I was searching for someone.. For someone who will be my crowd.. I want to leave a trace but because of my toughness – there’s no love “one on one” for me… I know I’m tough… That means that because of someone I couldn’t find for myself and make kids – that I will not leave that trace.

I don’t wanna leave this planet without no memory of me.. At least someone to remember me for 20 years, with kids you can do that. They will remember you until they die.. And if they have kids.. thay might remember you too…

BUT that’s enough to make someone’s life miserable.

We push to make kids and in the way we stumble and crumble. Divorced. Kids are feeling bad.. distant.. it’s not fair.

Don’t think that I’m just escaping my own possible miserable life.. No no no it’s not that. 

My intention is to bring a smile.. not a tear.. 

I’m sorry that I ever made someone cry… in one way or another… I don’t want to be that. That’s definitely not who I am!

So I made a deal with my devil. 

I will pursue to be a poet.. I am not alone when I’m talking through channels of words, colors, videos, and music. I will live for my music… again. I was the happiest when I was making it. And it will be made in interaction. 
I have to find my own ways of happiness.

And every time will not be the same. It will be like sex with the love of your life- always exciting and surprising. I will make love with my music.. Again..

And I will not be where all sad souls end –  in depression and social anxiety. The diagnosis F32. 

I will make videos.. music videos.. with a movie scene.. unique and only once in a lifetime because when you do music live it’s never the same. 

That’s how life should be –  Never the same.

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